Pretty or Ugly (POU) Phenomenon

Every girl is beautiful. From the scrawny, knob kneed young sprites with eyes too big for their faces to the elderly, wrinkly, ones with voices that have become more gruff with time. Each person’s beauty is something that cannot be truly held by another. It is as unique as the fingerprints, the personality, the DNA.

It matters not what the current standard of beauty is. With time it too will change. Where once were celebrated rotund bottoms and pouty lips our current pop culture favors digitally enhanced pictures, unreal beings from the imagination.

Take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and find one thing that you think is excellent. Tell yourself every moment of every day how amazing and excellent this one thing is that you find about you to be acceptable. Maybe even lovely.

Because as you admire this one thing a myriad of things will happen. The voices that tell you you’re ugly, too fat, or too thin, have eyes that are too close together, hair the wrong texture, moles in the wrong places, or have ears that stick out…. Well those voices will begin to fade into the background.

By finding one small piece of you to love unabashedly and to tout to the world your confidence will grow until one day you find two. Two parts of you that are worthy, deemed so by you. And then two becomes three and three becomes five and five becomes a miracle. The miracle that is you. Able to flourish and grasp that no one knows what beauty is. It’s something we find each day on our own in the least expected places.

The only person you have to be worth anything to, is you. And when you love you the world becomes indifferent and in its indifference a counterbalance of love and acceptance is formed between you.

Beauty is but one piece of a very complex puzzle in this life. Getting caught up in it breads an ugliness -the depth of which we are not prepared to shoulder the burden of alone. Speak up speak out. But don’t let the nasty world inside the fiber optic cables served up to you on screens small and large the world over dictate the language of your soul. Protect it. Shelter it. And do the same for others every chance you get. Because humanity is ugly enough without exposing yourself to opposing opinions of beauty. Just be you. Righteous, glorious, and most certainly… beautiful.

2013 Progress

Hard at work!

Well, we’ve all made it through the first quarter of 2013 together. From my view it’s been a bit hectic, but that’s how I like things.

I’ve been participating in a variety of wellness focused challenges over the last few months, and one of them asked me this morning about my bucket list. Of course, I posted one in January for the whole year so instead of making one I took the opportunity to review where I’m at with my list. I’ve copied and pasted it below and crossed off the items that are already complete:

2013 Bucket List

• Reiki Level 2 Certification 3/10
• Excel Level 2 Certification
• Make Friends
• Start a writers group that meets mostly monthly 2/17
• Write a book
• Publish a book
• Acquire a massage table
• Learn Scottrade with my dad 5/9
• Take at least one long-weekend trip locally 4/18
• Meditate Daily
• Try something new in exercise 5/6
• Spend a day on a farm
• Take Rhy horseback riding with Darian
• Encourage others to advance in their lives
• Tour a local brewery with a friend
• Take James to see Coheed and Cambria 3/14
• Host a backyard bonfire and barbecue

I’d say all in all not too shabby for the first quarter. Some of the items are in progress but won’t be crossed off as complete for quite some time.

In other new, the office project I posted about a few months ago is well underway. I absolutely think I’ll be able to finish it by my target goal of July 27th.

So how is the first quarter of 2013 treating you? Bumpy ride? Smooth sailing? I’d love to hear about it!

The Crafty Person Inside Me Is Exploding With Joy

Oh my! I’m practically doing backflips across my office floor right now. The excitement is nearly too much, I’m giddy, overjoyed, ok yes even that much excitement can be too much for me. Seriously though, I’ve stumbled upon the motherload of creative carpentry.

Ana White, who outgrew her first blog KnockOffWood, now runs Ana White. This is the blogger who got over 1,000,000 hits in her first three months of blogging. Why would it be called anything else? This little lady went from power-tool-averse to self trained on CAD tools and building her own house! She has great tips, free plans, and all the inspiration you need to get off your butt and get building.

Disappointed with the styles your finding? Just don’t want to pay the wicked $1300 price tag (or more???) of that Pottery Barn piece you’ve been eyeballing?  Ana’s got you covered.

I’ve committed to myself to completely overhaul my office space by July 27th. Just a few hours with Ana have me feeling confident and crafty.

Check out this great project for a cubby covered craft table, pics & plans are all Ana:

I’ll be acquiring my own power tool additions soon and setting off to work. I’m sure I’ll post about it along the way. And of course, praying to channel my inner Ana all the while.

Which Road Leads To Peace

I heard a story for the second time yesterday about following peace.  At first, I didn’t recall that I had heard this story before.  Obviously I needed to hear it again.  To protect those that may not want to be named, I’ll spare the full details of the story.  But ultimately, the message is follow peace.

What does that mean?  The first time I heard the story I was quickly able to pinpoint the decision I was facing and which one was right – which one would bring peace.  It became much more obvious and blossomed in front of me and I was able to move forward.  I was at peace.

This time; however, I’m finding complexity in the answer.  What once brought me near instant resolve has me now questioning the very fabric of what makes up my life.  Am I at peace?  Am I following peace?  Do I know what peace is in regard to this situation?  No.  I don’t.  But I do know that I am not at peace and I am not following peace.  Which, strangely enough, is a step ahead of yesterday.  Or maybe it’s behind, as at least yesterday I was delusional.

I remember a time when I used to hear people say “Ignorance is bliss” and I would wonder how that could be true.  Looking back, I was clearly the ignorant, because now I understand the bliss that is lost.  If only I didn’t know…  Clearly that is not the way I really want to live my life but there is that bittersweet taste left behind when the ignorance of a situation, a friend, a job, a life, whatever it is, washes away.  Is the best path to salvage and correct, polish and fix.  Or is it walking away.

What methods do you use to determine the best path?  Well in the words of the Cheshire Cat I leave you with the thought – that if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.

Leap

I used to dream.  About flying.  Not through the air on wings of birds or some other type of contraption.  Not magically like levitation though either.  No my feats of flight were more exhilarating than that.  No strings.  No ties.  Nothing to bind me to a choice.  Ultimate latitude.

The Year of the Snake

Hey, it’s my year!  The year of the snake.  In making this year’s bucket list I had a few different goals, well ok that’s redundant.  But seriously I’ve done this enough times now that I have a basic sense for what I can realistically do in a year and how to push a little further.

So this year I wanted to have a few activities that I made public from the beginning.  What you see is only the public version, I think we should all keep a little something just for ourselves.  I also wanted to have a few activities that could easily include others.  Biggest challenge there, I don’t really include others in much and have a limited circle of nearby friends.  Enter bucket list item – make friends.

Without further ado, I’m really looking forward to seeing what comes of 2013 and what surprises I encounter along the way.

2013 Bucket List

• Reiki Level 2 Certification
• Excel Level 2 Certification
• Make Friends
• Start a writers group that meets mostly monthly
• Write a book
• Publish a book
• Acquire a massage table
• Learn Scottrade with my dad
• Take at least one long-weekend trip locally
• Meditate Daily
• Try something new in exercise
• Spend a day on a farm
• Take Rhy horseback riding with Darian
• Encourage others to advance in their lives
• Tour a local brewery with a friend
• Take James to see Coheed and Cambria
• Host a backyard bonfire and barbecue

Did you make a bucket list or go with traditional resolutions?  Either way – I’d love for you to share!

An Excerpt From An Untitled Work

Almost two months ago I set off on a journey to write a book in 30 days. I did not complete the challenge, but I worked at it, enjoyed it, and learned a lot.

You know it’s crazy that I learned little things, some I already knew that were driven home while others were completely “aha” moments. I think NanoWrimo; even though I wasn’t a winner, was a huge personal success. I did something I was literally terrified of doing. And that’s awesome.

Without further ado I give you, another excerpt from this project:

She smiles and her soft brown hair cascades down her shoulders and she looks at me, sweet. Johnny, hating your father until the end of eternity won’t bring me back either. It’s not what I want her to say. I want her to tell me that he should burn. He should have died instead of her. Instead she tells me that love is what created me and that if I’d let that love in, I’d be more like her than him.

The tears start to swell up under my eyes and before I can stop it I’m crying. Denying aloud that I’m anything like that beast, the murderer. The evil bastard incarcerated the majority of my life. As my anger swells she’s smiles and looks at me, asks me why I can’t open my eyes and see.

And I do exactly that. I open my eyes and scream as fistfuls of grass and clods of dirt come out in my hands. Pounding at the ground, terrified by her betrayal. I wanted her to tell me that it was ok, that I could go on hating and it wouldn’t do a thing to me and that he deserved whatever punishment he got, guilty or not.

What? Guilty or not? Where did that come from? Crazy thoughts, I just can’t think straight because there’s too much to face. I throw the grass and run. Tears streaming down my face, I swipe at them with my sleeves and fumble for the keys. Unlocking the door and bolting myself inside.

Pounding the steering wheel I feel like someone’s just unleashed a bull and the site isn’t going to be pretty. Push to start, crank the music, pull away from the cemetery like I’ve just seen a ghost. But I have. And she’ll never stop following me.

The sounds of my visit trail behind me with a little Chevelle pouring out the windows with bass blowing intensity.

“…Lawful, vengeful, awful, friendship, misfits
Bits of feelings, thieving, fits inside revealing
Time to censor, censor, realize
Censor, Censor, no friend of mine…”
Chevelle, Same Old Trip

p.s. the picture included with this posting is an accurate depiction of how i felt through much of this experience 🙂

Bucket List Experiment & 2012 Summary

A few years ago I started playing with the idea of making bucket lists instead of resolutions.  Somewhere along the way I heard something about focusing on the positive and one New Year tied that to how resolutions never made me feel very good.  I had stopped making them years before because I had faced the fact I was never going to actually do any of them.

My first annual bucket list was a meager attempt.  I was a bit frightened by the idea, how big should I go?  I didn’t want to put down everything I could do in a lifetime just some things I could realistically accomplish that year – finances and everything being part of the equation.  It was clear I wasn’t going to do a world tour.  But it was a success and it made me happy.  I looked forward to little things on my list that were scheduled and those that I did on a whim.

As I prepare for 2013 I’ve been taking a hard look at my life.  What brings me joy?  Some of those things are really obvious and others not so much.  Sometimes you don’t know what those things are until you do them.  Last year I had a friend participate (you know who you are) because he thought the idea was cool and I loved hearing about the things that he did that were on the list.  This year I’ve decided to invite people into the annual bucket list journey with me.

So to kick this off I’m going to share some of the items from last years list (some of them are private as I’m sure some of yours would be too).  If you feel inspired to make a list and join me, message me, post in the comments, or do whatever you feel like.  I’m not big on rules. Last but not least – and this isn’t as cheesy as it sounds – I just want us all to have the coolest year we can think of.  And make it more awesome as we go.

2012 Bucket List

• Meet James’s family
• Take Rhy to the West Coast and really experience Seattle, 6 year old style
• Make stronger connections with my family
• Appreciate what I have, consciously
• Take control of my financial future – invest more, invest better
• Do more yoga
• Buy a new family car (I almost didn’t think this was going to happen, but it did!)
• Buy Darian’s first car (hadn’t planned on the second but we did that too… lol)
• Uncover the allergy mystery (yes we all knew i was allergic to a lot of stuff but i cannot tell you how much different life is when you actually know what sets you off)
• Give, give a lot.  Give randomly.  Give whenever you can and whenever you feel it’s the right thing to do no matter how any body looks at you.
• Go to the beach, even if it’s cold
• Meditate
• Make one new fruit preserve (strawberry!)
• Bake and share – i’d say the stuffed cupcake experiment that came out of this was a TON of fun for everyone!
• Move to a HOME
• Take all my vacation time (and I used it well too!)

And one of the coolest things I did this year that I hadn’t planned – I got my level 1 Reiki certification and made some wonderful new friends in the process.  It came out of some of the other activities on the list and is a wonderful addition to my life and my happiness.

I will be posting my public list shortly after the start of the new year.  I look forward to hearing about the things that make you happy too.

An Excerpt; NaNoWriMo Day 4 November 2012

As many of you know all of my writing focus is going toward NaNoWriMo this month. 

Today’s post is an excerpt from whatever this thing is that’s being created over the next thirty days.  Are you writing for NaNoWriMo too?  Share your experiences with  me!

Character: Johnny

…I put the daisies down next to her headstone, like I have every year since I was a small child.  Accompanied by a rock and a note from Gram.  She’s getting to old to come out here on her own.  I sit down and toy with the grass, stroking it like an abandoned dog.  Plucking the random weed here or there.  Digging the dirt from between the words, polishing without polish.  It’s a ritual that helps me come to that place where I feel like it’s ok to talk to the dead.  If I just wanted to talk to her I could do that, but today is different.  Today I need to see the truth of what he did with the evidence buried beneath my feet.

I lie back, stretched on her grave, arms forming a pillow beneath my head, and look up into the bright sky.  They tell me she died at midnight.  To me it always felt like morning.  Morning is when my mother died in my memory.  Morning is when they told me.  So I always come at the same time, ritual.

Feeling for her memory deep inside of me, the way she used to hold me, the sound of her voice.  I close my eyes and extract it until she’s sitting next to me.  Johnny boy, she’d call me, stroking my hair.  Johnny boy tell me what’s on your mind?  Bantering back and forth at such a young age I try to recall the words she used, the inflection of her voice, things I never thought to think of until they became more creations and dreams than actual memories.  The creation of my mother’s voice echoes in my head…

30 Days Makes A Habit

Today we write.  We write for freedom and for love.  We write for the song that’s buried in our soul.  We write for our mothers and our fathers, sisters and brothers.  We write to be forced to turn off the touch pad that becomes a nuisance.  We write for our aching bodies and bleeding hearts.  We write because we can.  We write because we’re alive.

It never felt so good to be in a place like this.  Chasing a dream, ending up in a better place than you had aimed for.  I look around me and all I see is love.  I see manifestation of the possible.  I see focus and drive.  I see me.

What do you see?

It’s time for NaNoWriMo to begin in less than 24 hours.  For the first time I will participate.  Not only will I participate but I will throw myself into this in unimaginable ways.  Ways that I cannot yet tell you about because, well, they are unimaginable.

I’m posting this mini blog for self inspiration.  For a reminder of my commitment.  For the thought of public humiliation as a muse for days where writing will feel like a curse.  I’m also posting this for you, members of the blogiverse; readers and writers alike.  What challenge can you or will you take on and conquer during the month of November?  30 days makes a habit.  Let’s form new ones together.

I’ll end this one with my favorite quote from the NaNoWriMo team, “In November, embrace imperfection and see where it takes you.”